Women, Last Names, and Feminism

I've seen this brought up several times in a debate. Whether someone is squabbling over the TNIV, or debating egalitarianism vs patriarchy, any women who has dared to keep her own last name is immediately pegged.

She has "noticeably" kept her own last name. It's mentioned in a tone pregnant with meaning, hands coming up to shield whispering mouths. For someone who doesn't attach any evil meaning to a woman keeping her own name, it looks distinctly silly and malicious.

If I wanted to do exegesis the way that I've seen it done many times, I could come up with an argument that CLEARLY SHOWS that MEN should TAKE THE LAST NAME OF THEIR WIFE. Anyone who doesn't is obviously showing their unwillingness to obey the clear teaching of Scripture. Here it is

Why Men Should Take their Wife's Last Name

Genesis 2:24 ESV Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh

As is so clearly illustrated in this text, the man is leaving his father and mother. He's going to become the spiritual priest of his own home, and bring his wife under his covering {interjecting: that sounds wrong} thus forming a new family unit.

However, people don't like to take the Bible the way that the Bible is. They like to make it fit their societies, and what they want it say. They have "itching ears." I'm just giving you some background here, so you'll understand why I condemn the practice of women taking the last name of their husband.

When a man keeps his last name, it's a symbol of his connection to his old family. It's a sign of dependence, not autonomy. He's forced to stay connected, in a perverse way, to his old family, making a weird conglomeration of two households--with him and his father forming a wrong two headed priesthood.

The MAN is to LEAVE. It is NEVER said that women leave their families. When she keeps her last name, it's a symbol of female dependence and need for connection and support. When a man takes his wife's last name, he's simply severing his connection with his own family, and showing his Christ-like acknowledgement of the fact that his wife just needs more emotional shoring up than he does.

In conclusion, I have clearly proven that men should take their wives's last names. Anyone who disagrees with me is a godless liberal who is discarding orthodox doctrine. Anyone who agrees with me is one of the godly remnant, who are holding fast to the faith once for all delivered to the saints. Thank you.